The Taco Bell Bum

As we give thanks this holiday season, it is important that we take a moment and remember those less fortunate than us.
This said, I would like to take a moment to honor a special man, one who will forever hold a place in my nightmares.

Scene: Sunday night, Taco Bell drive thru
Cast: BFF Jill, Me, Taco Bell Bum, Taco Bell Queen

It is a chilly November night. Most are home with their families, preparing for the upcoming Thanksgiving festivities. Jill and I sit in the Taco Bell drive thru, impatiently waiting for our goodies. As Jill carries on the conversation, I feel something is amiss. I look over...and there is a man standing at my window.

Frightened...I stare straight ahead, avoiding any contact with this yelling being. Meanwhile, Jill attempts to tell the man to kindly eat sh*t and die.

Soon, the man has moved to the other side of the car, and finally, decides to leave after about 5 minutes of yelling for some unknown reason.

Jill and I pull forward to the window, and he promptly alerts the Taco Bell Queen there is a psycho in her parking lot.

She disappears from the window.

A few moments later the woman reappears, only this time, she is running towards our car being chased by the Taco Bell Bum.

She begins screaming, "Call the cops! Call the cops!"

Soon, she is on one side of our car and he is on the other.

Jill and I sit scared out of our wits until the bum decides he is bored.

So it is you I remember this Holiday season, Taco Bell Bum. I hope you are warm, and well fed, and institutionalized my friend.


Happy Holidays My Friends,
XOXO
The Craziest Housewife

Shut The Front Door!

Ok guise!

So...I have no photos...for this wonderful attempt at a tutorial...because as you all know...someone broke into my house and stole all my sh*t.

So here goes nothing.

I did quite a bit of research before beginning this project because I am no DIY expert and didn't want my door to look like it had been a canvas to a two-year old.

First I found out, it's a good idea to use a drill...removing the door with a screw driver is painfully tedious.

Once the door is removed from its hinges (yes, we went an entire day without a front door) place it on two saw horses and remove the rest of the hardware such as the door knob and any deadbolts. NOTE: I feel like this step is very important because whoever had painted the door before my fabulous attempt left the hardware on, and got a ton of paint all over the knob, making it look really shabby. Once I put the knob and deadbolt back on, it really made the paint look classy.

ANYWAYS!

After removing all of the hardware, wash the door with soap and water and sand the surface smooth.
Like I said before, whoever painted my door beforehand did a terrible job and there were a ton of paint drips, so I personally had to use a heavier grit sandpaper and then finish with a fine grit to get a really smooth finish, but if your door isn't too messed up, just a quick finish with a fine grit should be fine.

The paint I chose for the door was an enamel paint...this is very important...oil-based paints are not fun to work with and they ruin paintbrushes! I asked my local Lowes Paint Expert what she recommended because I planned on doing both sides of the door. She sold me a high gloss interior / exterior enamel-based paint. Boy was she right, it came out absolutely beautiful.

When painting, I started with a 1" angled brush and painted the outer part of the squares. Then I painted the rest of the door, including the sides, using a roller. NOTE: I probably used too large of a roller, the shorter one would have worked better for what I was doing. Any thoughts on this?

I used red paint, which requires quite a few coats to get an even finish, so I did about four coats, though I still think I could have used one more.

Unfortunately, I ran out of paint after finishing the outer part of the door, so the inside awaits another weekend.

Here is the best photo I could find, courtesy of Dave Hoffman, which looks like my new front door!

Check out his blog here!

Stupid Lowlife Pieces of Sh*t That Made My Life a Living Hell

So I am sorry to say my blogging capabilities have been cut short this holiday season as some stupid lowlife pieces of sh*t decided that breaking a window and stealing over $4,000 worth of personal items was a good idea.

Needless to say I have no computer and am posting this from my phone.

I was really freaking excited to show you all my multi-holiday appropriate door too...but they also took my camera which had all of my project pictures on it.

On another note...

A conversation from the haphazardly planned party we had last night:

Me: Honey can you turn the music down a little, I feel like it might be bothering the dog.

Husband: I am surprised you care more about the dog than the baby.

Me: No one told her she had to bring a baby to a party...

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone! Be thankful for all that you have because as I recently discovered...it can disappear in the blink of an eye.
XOXO
The Craziest Housewife